Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
