party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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