Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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