Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
