Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
