My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
tell me about the fingering
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
