Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
