I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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