The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize