i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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