I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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