omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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