so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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