sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
