he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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