if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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