I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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