So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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