If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
