Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
