Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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