Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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