you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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