craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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