I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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