now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
