They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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