I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
