My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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