I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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