It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
