Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
