hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
