peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
