Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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