If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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