Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
