I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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