remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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