It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
