she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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