the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
