Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
being pregnant is like rehab
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to get me chipped asap
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