You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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