he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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