They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
