He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
