3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
