My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
