That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
