he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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