bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
