i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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