sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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