She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And then he peed in my hair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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