Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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