it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
