I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
