i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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