My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
