I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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