I wish you could order shots online.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
