the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My balls are so social today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
