I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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