I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
